*HeY*
whats goin on? 2day was kinda BoRiNg tuesdays always are...but kinda went by fast i guess u could say... i duno why but this whole steve thing is really upsetting me i no im rite i no that steve shouldnt of said wat he said n i had every right to tell the whole football team..but i didnt. n i do believe steve gets w.e he deserves... i feel thats right in my heart b\c i dont think he truely has a heart how could u say that about some1 u knew...even tho i wasnt great friends w. ryan i still balled wen i went to his funeral and wake its just sad no matta how much he meant to u...
enough of that... so mark was @ our school 2day so we told giff n he took care of it HAHA mark u bitch BUSTED>.... n barbs herpes ass flicked me off ... grow the fuck up SERIOUSLY>................ sooo lauren v told me 2day that audrey can buy beer at this store on lake rd..hell ya nigga she said she'd buy me some.. THATS WHATS UP!!! lol
brianna keeps callin me *i feel bad* but i cant get a hold of neil n i duno wat to tell her... LiFe SuCkS..yano?!
i thot alot about ryan 2day i duno y its like every1 pretends like nothing happened and im still dwelling on it... why cant any1 be sad?!?! dont u think ryan wants to no ppl dint forget they still care.. or mayb every1 healed faster n understand that he wants every1 happy not sad... but not me i guess i still feel like cryin everytime some1 says his name yano?! mayb thats jus me ima baby remember?!?!
so i saw this poem today it really reminded me of jay hahah take a look...
You are my best friend
and i dont want to admit it
but it feels like this is the end of our friendship...
you were always there for me and i knew i could count on you...
but things have changed between us and i dont know what to do...
you knew how to make me laugh like i had never done before
but you did something else to me,
you made me hurt like no one else has before...
i miss you so much and i just want to be your best friend again
i guess i will just have to leave that decision up to you
and i will know in the end...
you mean a lot to me and i want you to know
you can ALWAYS come to me
no matter how far apart we grow...
when i first met you
i felt that we would make great friends
but the more we talked the greater my feelings grew...
i never thought that being your girlfriend would ruin our friendship
but i guess i was wrong
because you were still in love with your ex-girlfriend all along...
i know i can never change your mind for you
but i hope you realize that she is not meant to be with you...
you are too good for her and deserve much better
i am not saying this because i am your ex-girlfriend
but because i am your friend...
i never had anyone i could depend on
as much as i depended on you
but you can come to me with anything
i hope you know thats true...
oh man...... hahah ya it does remind me of jay n this 1 is jus sad n of course i thot of ryan wen i read it... 
What’s the point in trying if you know you won't succeed
What’s the point in living when you don't have the friend you need
How can I keep on going when I know I’m going to die
How can I keep on standing when I know I’m going to cry
To some I might seem stupid because I can’t say what I feel
To me I seem stupid because this feels like it isn't real
I can hear their voices yelling and I can feel the walls shaking
But none of it hurts as much as the pain of my heart breaking
No one wants to believe me they think I’m playing a game
I call them my friends but they can't remember my name
My troubles aren't fading they're becoming worse each day
Everything becomes a blur I can't hear what people say
There are some people who care or at least they say they do
I can't seem to figure out if what they're saying is true
I have given up on myself and they have given up on me
There's so much of the world that I'll never get to see
I want to fly to a place where there's no one I know
Maybe then I can let my true feelings show
I want to fly to a place where it's only me
I want to fly to a place where I can finally be free
I’m sorry to those who do truly care
I’m sorry that I’ll no longer be there
I won't be there for the good days or bad
I won't be there when you’re happy or sad
I'm sorry I no longer can make your gray sky blue
But there wont be a moment I won't think of you
I'll keep watch on you from my home up above
Even though I'll be gone it’s you guys I will still love
You're my best friends and you helped me fight my fight
I’m sorry for all the times when I was wrong and you were right
No longer will I be able to see your smiling face
But there wasn’t one minute I’d ever want to replace
Before I leave you I want to say goodbye
Because it’s you who has always made me cry
Not tears of sorrow and not tears of pain
I cried tears of happiness because our friendship remains
So when I leave you please don’t cry
Because I won't be there to wipe the tears from your eyes
Even when I’m gone it won't be the end
Because you will continue to be my best friends
*i feel like if ryan ever knew how much ppl truely loved him he wouldnt of done wat he did i bet hes kickin himself rite now b\c anything in life can be or will be worked out... n his problems dint go away wen he was drunk they got worse n lead him to do something so incredibly stupid.. in a way i wana b mad @ him for bein so dumb but in a way im too sad to be mad @ him b\c i miss him so much*
the question that lingers in my head is WHY!!!! he had it sooo good..football team, every1 loved him, class clown..could make any1 laugh!! what were u thinkin ryan?!?!?!! ughhhh    so many feelings.... well i got hw n shit to do mayb ill write lata... *love ya*
| 
